I’m actually writing this entry on May 26, but I am scheduling this to be published the day before I leave for the Philippines. I will be there for the next two months on an Exposure Trip.
I returned last in the fall of 2009. It was right after Typhoons Ondoy and Pepeng, and the stories I picked up throughout Luzon broke my heart just a little more. I’m fairly frightened of this trip, because I am fragile right now. I have been pulled and wrung. The last couple of weeks have been challenging in a way I don’t yet understand. I feel a bit thrown off, and I am leaving the east coast with a lot of unsettled business. I’m not in the best of places.
I want to be clear with myself: I am in transition. I’ve done my best with the little I have, and that’s what matters most. This is what I say when I wake up in the morning.
I feel a change in me, and I am fearful.